On this, our penultimate jingle-date, a roundup of all the songs you thought might have been on this playlist, but aren’t, because I don’t really like them and I don’t care if they’re classics.
Baby It’s Date Rapey Outside
It’s not on the list because… Sexual coercion is not ok, and becomes even less palatable when Buble tries to cutesy it up.
Fairytale of New York
It’s not on the list because… Shane MacGowan’s face is genuinely troubling, and I irrationally object to the delight that people take in screeching “you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot”.
I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day
It’s not on the list because… No, you don’t. That would be awful. BE SENSIBLE, WIZZARD.
Band Aid, in any of its permutations
It’s not on the list because… The brilliance of the original lineup has been eclipsed by the batshit makeup of subsequent megagroups. And there freaking will be snow in Africa this Christmastime, you patronising loons, because it is a massive and diverse continent with a range of varied climate zones, and your oversimplistic broad brush strokes are needlessly othering and curiously dehumanising, and your hearts may be in the right place but I object to your tactics very much.
There are plenty of other tunes that didn’t make the series, not because they are unworthy, but simply because there are too many brilliant beats to get through in twenty five days.
And, while I don’t have a full blog post in me about it, I can’t let December end without urging you to rewatch this surreal Shakin Stevens video, which I like to think of as Blunt Fringed Children In Hostage Situations.
It’s a cracking tune.